I've Got 99 Problems..and I'm the Main One!

Let me be real with you: I really believe that we live in a world that is severely lacking in love and that upholds a lot of twisted, unhealthy, harmful and downright oppressive ideas, beliefs and values.

As a world, we're sadly racist, sexist, classist, ableist, heterosexist...I could go on and on, but I truly feel in my heart that all of these oppressive systems are completely devoid of love, and since God is love, I have come to the conclusion that they are not of God. I truly feel that they are sin at its worst--not only do they harm the individual and make it extremely difficult to see and love God's children the way He does, but they harm the world. They harm everyone--they separate us from God, from each other and from the people God created us to be.

After coming to this conclusion, I decided that it's of utmost importance for me to live a life and be a person who challenges, rebels and rejects these oppressive systems. And I feel that the best way to do this is by walking in love (I'll explain in detail how I go about doing that in another post).

But even with all of this in mind and heart, I still catch myself thinking, being and doing problematic things. Sometimes, I think back and realize that something I said in a conversation was sexist or that a thought I had was classist and I have to call myself out, acknowledge my privilege and figure out ways that I can educate myself so that I can move through the world without thinking, being and doing those problematic things again. I think about what I can do to work towards change and walk in love instead of hate.

Sometimes, my privilege blinds me (and that's no excuse because I know better) and causes me to say, think or do ignorant things without considering the reality we all live in and how my privilege in certain areas affects my views and experiences.

I spend a good amount of time calling myself out and acknowledging that I have a long way to go.

If I'm being real with you, I have to say that sometimes--I'm problematic. I do, think and feel problematic things and the reality is that we all are problematic to some extent. It's just a reminder that we all have been raised in a toxic, problematic society.

And in this problematic world full of -isms, we will always be a work-in-progress, and that's okay--just don't give in to this world. Keep walking in love. Keep challenging, rebelling and rejecting. Call yourself out and open yourself to being called out. Listen to what others have to say. Educate yourself and allow yourself to be educated. This is a process.

I intend to continue to do these things and I know that I am a never-ending work-in-progress, but that's better than never progressing at all.

True Life: I'm Simple...and Easy

I've spent the majority of my life believing that the perfect woman was mysterious, complex, hard to understand, difficult to be close to, distant...she left something to the imagination. In essence, she was complicated. 

I like to think of her as The Hard to Get Woman, and for most of my 22 years, I have tried to be her, because even though people seemed to struggle to know and be close to her, the few who managed to do so loved her and those on the outside desired, admired, valued and respected her. And I wanted to be loved, valued, desired, respected and admired. 

The Hard to Get Woman can be seen in movies, TV shows, and you often hear men go on and on about wanting to chase a woman and have her not be "easy." As a TV Junkie, a person who used to be an avid reader of romance novels, and a woman who used to really want to be every boy's dream girl, it wasn't hard for me to develop the idea that The Hard to Get Woman was the perfect woman. 

But what I've finally come to realize and accept is that I'm not The Hard to Get Woman, that I'll never be her and that I don't have to be her in order to be loved, valued, respected, desired and admired.

The truth is, I'm simple. I'm easy. I'm a simple, easy woman.

I am an open book with a few hidden pages that only a special few are privy too. To be in my life isn't a hard or strenuous thing to do--if I want you to be there, of course. And if I want you to be in my life, you'll know it. If I like you, you'll know it. There are no guessing games with me. There's no wondering. I tend to lay my cards out on the table. I like to share who I am and my heart with those around me. I feel like it's part of my purpose to be open and to share the love inside of me--the unconditional, overflowing, endless love.

Me being simple and easy to understand makes that even more possible--people struggling to know and get close to me hinders my goal to love freely while providing healthy and good company and providing comfort. I can't achieve that by being an enigma.

I am simple--like God's love, I am easy to understand and open to all.

This is not to say that everyone is allowed into my private space and that any man can be MY man, but what it does mean is that if I want him like he wants me, he won't have to jump through hoops. There won't be any chasing necessary because I will be meeting him halfway. He won't have to spend forever trying to figure me out because I will be more than willing to let him in and help him to understand. Our love will be simple and easy--boring maybe, but beautiful and stable and comforting. It means that I will welcome people into my life with open arms, that they will always know where they stand with me, that there will be comfort and stability and a mutual understanding. 

People like to say that the only things and people of value are those people and things that are hard to get, that must be earned through works and struggle.

But the most valuable thing (in my humble opinion) is God's unchanging, unwavering, and unconditional love, a love that is open to all, simple, easy to understand, a love that isn't earned by works or struggle, that isn't hard to get but completely and utterly free--I like to think that I am like that. 

I am like God's love.