I used to hate myself.
Now, I would say that I somewhat dislike myself, but I like myself a whole lot more than I used to. This is an improvement, but it's definitely not my end goal. My end goal is to be totally, completely and unapologetically in love with myself. I've wasted enough years hating, disliking, and just not loving my beautiful self--I want the rest of my life to be spent loving God and loving myself.
I've decided that this time in my life is the best time to really invest a lot into loving myself. Of course, we should always be investing in self-love, but sometimes, we may need to do a little more than usual. Some people, unfortunately, may have never invested in self-love and need to start doing so. For me, I haven't invested in self-love for YEARS, so I definitely have a lot of investing to start doing now. Seeing as how I don't have a husband, kids, or a full-time career yet, what better time to completely focus on building myself up with God's and my own love?
I'm sure I'm not the only woman out there who is in need of her own love. And even if you do have a lot going on and a lot of people to tend to, you can and should still make time to l.o.v.e on y.o.u. Why? Because you are important and you're worth it--nobody deserves your love more than God and yourself! Plus, it's hard to be all you can be when you're at odds with yourself. It's also hard to have a life of true joy and peace when you have little to no love for yourself.
So, how do you know if you need to start investing or invest more in self-love?
Here are 5 signs to look out for:
1. You Don't Love Yourself (and You Barely Like Yourself): You can't stand yourself--you pick yourself apart relentlessly, insult yourself and neglect your own needs. You don't enjoy your own company and really dislike the idea of truly spending some quality time with yourself. You just don't care about yourself enough to put forth the effort to make sure that you're healthy and happy. Worst of all, you don't think you're worth the effort.
2. You Don't See Yourself The Way God Sees You: As I said in my Who Are You? video, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, you were made to do a good work, to be holy. You're a daughter of God who has been redeemed, forgiven and made anew in Christ. That's how God sees you. But you don't see that--you see a failure, a screw-up, the same woman who couldn't break free from her chains, you see a condemned woman who is broken beyond repair and who is just not good enough. You disagree with God about who you are and your worth.
3. You Don't Trust Yourself (or God): You don't trust what God says about who you are and who He created you to be. You also don't trust yourself. You ignore your instincts, along with the Holy Spirit's warnings and often go against your better judgement. You second-guess and constantly question the decisions you make. You don't believe that you're capable of making a sound decision. You distrust yourself so much that you start to allow others to make decisions for you--decisions about who you are, what you're worth, what you want, what you need, etc.
4. You're Unreasonably Hard on Yourself: While you're able to have empathy, compassion and forgiveness for others, you don't have the same for yourself. Your beat yourself up about your mistakes over and over again. You become angry with yourself for not being perfect. You see yourself as weak for not being able to hold it together all of the time. Everyone else around you can be human--they can be vulnerable and make mistakes from time-to-time, but you? No, you have to be Superwoman or you're not good enough.
5. You Have a Lot of Toxic People in Your Inner Circle (and/or Have a History of Toxic Relationships):
"We accept the love we think we deserve."--Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
And based on the people who you tend to choose to be your close friends and romantic partners, you seem to believe that you don't deserve love at all. The people closest to you seem to hurt you the most--they belittle you, judge you, criticize you, may be verbally/emotionally abusive to you, manipulate you and the list goes on and on. Whatever the case is, you seem to find yourself tied to people who do everything BUT show you love, care, trust and respect. If you really pay attention, you will realize that, in some ways, you treat yourself the same way these people treat you. And you stay around these people because you don't believe you deserve any better.
If you see yourself in one or more of these signs, I want you to know that God loves you unconditionally and there is nothing you can do to change that. With that being said, here's what to do if you realize that you need to l.o.v.e on y.o.u:
1. Learn what God has to say about you and your worth: Affirmations: Who I Am in Christ is a good place to start. As always, though, read the Word of God, The Bible. It will tell you everything you need to know about who you are in Christ.
2. Ask for Help: You don't have to do this alone. Really, you don't! Pray and ask God, your loving Heavenly Father, to help you to see, love and treat yourself the way He does. Ask Him to lead you to and to bring people in your life who can help and support you on your journey to loving yourself. You may already have a good, supporting family or friend(s) who can support you. Or maybe you have a church family or an organization. Either way, reach out to them and ask for help! If they are truly people who love you, they will be more than willing to help you to build yourself up with love. They already love you, and will want you to love yourself too. Also know that there's nothing wrong with getting help from a counselor or therapist either. Like doctors, counselors and therapists are there to help you become and stay healthy. However, unlike doctors, counselors and therapists focus on your mental and emotional health, which is just as important and often influences your physical health.
3. Do things that make you happy, that are healthy and that make you feel good about yourself: What do you like to do? What can you do to benefit you mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually? When do you feel good about yourself? What can you do to feel good about yourself? Ask yourself these questions and answer them in action. Doing this will enable you to live life with you in mind.
4. Practice Loving Yourself: Write down positive affirmations, engage in positive self-talk (and fight back against that inner critic!), dress your best (even when you don't feel like it!)--engage in the actions that people who love themselves do.
5. Remove Negativity: Get rid of people who treat you less than God's best and seem to disagree with who God says you are. Stop doing things that are unhealthy and that make you feel bad about yourself.
Please know that it's never too late to start loving yourself. Now, loving yourself is a process--it doesn't happen overnight, especially if you have negative thoughts, negative self-talk and self-destructive tendencies to battle. With that in mind, try to be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Attempt to show yourself some compassion and forgiveness as you go through this process. As a woman who is going through this process, loving yourself is something that is truly easier said than done. God understands that as well, and if you let Him, He will help you every step of the way.
Love,
Jenai H.
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