Living Saved...and Single

So, I'm single. And I'm choosing to be single because:

1. I want to focus on strengthening, deepening and maintaining my relationship with God.
2. I want to focus on strengthening, deepening and maintaining a healthy relationship with myself, a relationship in which I'm able to accept, respect, trust, care and love myself, as well as show myself the same grace and compassion that God does.
3. I want to focus on improving myself professionally and getting my combined Master of Science and Specialist in Education degree in Mental Health Counseling. (By the way, I forgot to mention this in my video!)

And I wondered to myself: "How long do I intend to work on these things? How long do I intend to be voluntarily single?" Because, honestly, reasons #1 and #2 will be things that I intend to work on for the rest of my life--I can always do better and do more for God and myself. I then decided that I would open myself up to romantic relationships when I'm at a place where I'm secure in my relationship with God and myself, as well as settled in my career and have my own place.

I hope to be in that place in 3 years, lol.

However, it's about God's Will, not mine. So if God decides that I need to be single in less or more time than I planned--that's fine, and if it's simply not in His Will for me to be half of a couple--that's fine too. I'm going with His flow, not the other way around.

I'm starting to realize that focusing on just God, myself and remaining single isn't as easy as I thought it would be. Suddenly, I have men, like, paying attention to me (lol!) and wanting to be more than friends...and sometimes it's hard to say no. Sometimes I entertain things I shouldn't and I hate having a crush on someone because I know that it's not the time to do anything about it. 

Sometimes I don't like being single.

Sometimes I want to spend all night flirting and talking with a man I really like and who likes me back, I want to cuddle and be held by the arms of a man who really, really likes me or even loves me, I want to go on dates where we laugh too loud over reasonably-priced delicious food and then end the date with a kiss so deep that it pulls out all of the toxic "love" I've received over the years.

At times, I beat myself up about not always being happy-go-lucky about being single or wanting someone other than God and myself, but I realize that it's okay--the ups AND downs, and as a human, I was created to desire relationships with others, and that includes romantic relationships. With that in mind, I try not to be too hard on myself. I try to be understanding and show compassion to myself, while still holding myself accountable and responsible for focusing and working on doing God's work and improving myself.

To all my beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully made Single Ladies: Use this time to focus on the things you have been avoiding while dating and going from relationship-to-relationship, use it to heal yourself, to forgive, to improve yourself in all ways, to enjoy your loved ones. Know that you won't always be happy about being single either--at times, you may really dislike it, you may miss and long for the things that come with being in a relationship, and that's okay. Feel it through and pray continually for peace and trust in God's Will for your life.

Falling in love and starting a life with someone is an adventure, but so is falling in love with God and yourself. In fact, I would say that it's the most important adventure you will ever have.

Love,

Jenai H.